My Side of Suicide and Addiction
finding strength & joy after losing loved ones to suicide and addiction
My grief journey has been a painful one; I compare the pain of that first year to an invasive surgery without any anesthesia. I hurt more than I ever thought humanly possible. I found myself paralyzed by grief for a long time.
Please don’t judge people. You don’t know what it took someone to get out of bed, look and feel presentable as possible and face the day. You never truly know the daily struggles of others.
As I have walked through the motions of the past couple of weeks, I have found myself at several times pinching myself to see if I was going going to wake up from this endless nightmare of grief that I’ve been attempting to trudge through for the past 363 days. Will I wake up? Will Angela be healthy? Will I receive my daily text or call from her? Unfortunately I snap out of it. This is my reality. My sister lost her battle to addiction and our family has been attempting to pick up the pieces.
Ang,
I could write for hours, I’ll attempt to keep my note today simple & to the point. I miss you. We hurt. I hurt. My pain is unbearable, but I mask it pretty well. I cry for you every single day. You should be here. Your ugly disease shouldn’t have lead you down the path of self destruction. You suffered. Your kids suffered. Mom suffered. Tom suffered. I suffered. My girls suffered. Our family suffered. Your friends suffered. Acquaintances suffered. I carry the hurt that you felt, the pain that you had – emotionally, mentally and physically. Oh, how I wish I could have taken that away from my baby sister. That’s what we do as big sisters, huh? But I couldn’t.
9 months 20-something days after losing my baby sister she finally gave me the push, literally, that I needed to begin living life again. For me, myself and I.
“Dance. Smile. Giggle. Marvel. TRUST. HOPE. LOVE. WISH. BELIEVE. Most of all, enjoy every moment of the journey, and appreciateContinue Reading
I was my dad’s little girl, and he was my hero. He is my hero. No matter what.
Ten Thousand Words – The song is mellow and gives off a comforting vibe. It keeps me coming back, reminiscing, and piecing together so many of the unanswered questions that come with suicide and addiction.
Because of You – An Ode to My Father…..Reflecting his upcoming Deathiversary.
Wish I had known……..that anxiety was going to rear it’s ugly head this far into my grief journey. Since losingContinue Reading
My Side of Suicide and Addiction