Navigating through Year 2

There is no denying that it has been quite some time since my last post. I figured that if I attempted to ignore it, the pain would subside.  If only that were the case. I would be lying if I said that it hasn’t gotten a little easier to navigate through my grief – it has. But, just not as easy as I’d like it to be. Although I am happy to report I am back to my excitable, mischievous, passionate, fun-loving self!

Most people expect to feel better after that first year of grieving – as if they’ve reached some sort of significant milestone in their grief journey. That was me. I had this preconceived idea that I would wake up on May 3 and just like that, I’d be okay and no longer sad. Unfortunately, reaching that milestone and being okay is a myth. If anyone assumes that the grief will ease as the second year begins, you soon realize that in many ways it seems much harder than year one. A lot of us begin to feel even worse – and that is pretty unsettling. We are still grappling with the harsh reality that our loved one is physically gone forever.

For anyone that has truly experienced grief (of any kind) – think about it; the first year is painful, but a blur. My grief journey has been a painful one; I compare the pain of that first year to an invasive surgery without any anesthesia. I hurt more than I ever thought humanly possible. I found myself paralyzed by grief for a long time.

I still hurt but my grief attacks now come less frequently. I can now talk about what I’ve endured without going into a complete spiral. To be honest, I am okay talking about Ang, my loss and my grief. It is very helpful in the healing process.

I have learned so much throughout this painful journey:

• It is okay to grieve your loved one – and at your own pace.
• Not everyone is going to understand nor care – and that is okay.  **this one has taken me a long time to grasp…..it is my nature to care for others and understand their feelings.  It was a rude awakening for me to learn that individuals I was close to didn’t want to understand nor care–unless it was convenient for them** But I’m okay with it.
• It is okay to sever toxic relationships. Nobody deserves this–grieving or not.
• It is okay to live to be happy. Do what’s best for me.
• It is okay to seek joy & happiness again – we all deserve it.

I have also learned so much about myself:

• I am an amazing friend.
• I am stronger than I ever thought possible.
• I am happy.
• I deserve to find pure joy.
• When I love, I love with everything that I am.
• I am passionate about this life.
• I am fragile.
• I have a lot of living yet to do!

As we embrace the holiday season, remember to tell your family & friends how much you love them, make amazing memories, and enjoy every last minute!