Grief Thankful

Reflecting on 2017

As most do, I have been reflecting on the past year. It has been a tearful reflection. The majority of the first 7 months was a blur. I enjoyed some exciting milestones, I enjoyed some firsts – making wonderful memories, I shed several tears, suffered significant pain but most importantly I navigated into year 2 of my grief journey and have learned so much about myself, what I want in life and what I truly deserve.

In this post I will focus on some of the special memories that I was blessed to be a part of this past year…….

  • I went to Vegas for the 1st time with my beautiful friend, Chris
  • While in Vegas we both jumped off the Stratosphere (108 stories) – one of my biggest fears conquered, heights
  • My beautiful niece, Cayla, graduated High School
  • Gracie joined my family just one day shy of Mother’s Day
  • One of my best friends, Megan, married the love of her life
  • Jeffrey won the Henderson, Junior Division
  • Jeffrey also made his very first tournament Eagle

MemoriesPicsNew Phototastic Collage

I could ramble on about several other things that made an impact on me in 2017, but the ones that I’ve listed are of most significance.

Tonight, as each of you ring in the New Year, celebrating with loved ones that are here – take a brief moment to remember loved ones in which we have lost. Those loved ones are a huge part of our journey and just because they aren’t standing next to you to toast the new year, or across town and able to text, call or Snapchat you with a “Happy New Year” message – doesn’t mean they are gone from our hearts. I know that I would love to receive a text tonight, like I did on January 1, 2016 saying “Happy New Year, I love you sissy”.

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About Michelle

I am a survivor. I have lived to tell my story; one that I have had a hard time sharing. I have lost 4 members of my family to suicide (one being my father when I was 16), and I lost my only sister recently to addiction. I am 44, and am here to tell and hopefully help people that are where I have been learn that they are not alone and there are people that want to walk them through their journey of grief; real life people - not someone who only has the education, with no real-life experiences to be empathetic to our pain and support us, genuinely. It is a tragedy when anyone passes, especially the ones that are so dear to our hearts. Losing someone to suicide is by far the most traumatizing, tragic and painful experience anyone will face; addiction holds a very close 2nd; we, the survivors, feel lost because there is nothing we could have done for our loved ones in either situation. Suicide has left me with no closure, unbearable grief, questions, guilt, helplessness, denial, anger, feeling isolated, resentment, etc. Losing my sister recently has resurfaced all of the feelings that I had endured and still endure due to the suicides that I've experienced. I describe the past 6 years attempting to save my sister from her addiction as a "Roller Coaster Ride". I truly believe that addiction is a family disease; my sister used and ultimately lost her life; but our entire family suffered and is now left to deal with the grief and questions. I've been broken by these life experiences; I am blessed that I've remained true to my faith and have allowed myself to be guided through the pain of this 25 year journey. It is now my turn to help others by sharing my story, the truth about suicide grief, and addiction grief; straight from my heart.

2 comments on “Reflecting on 2017

  1. Rick Barnes.'s avatar
    Rick Barnes.

    Nice post. Hoping for a great 2018 for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ginger Wolffis's avatar
    Ginger Wolffis

    My precious Michelle,
    You shine! I pray 2018 is the BEST year to come for you. You deserve the best and don’t settle for less.
    Love you,
    Ginger

    Like

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