Ten Thousand Words

I hadn’t heard of the Avett Brothers until after Ang passed. A friend of mine introduced me to the song “Ten Thousand Words”.  They sent me a text one morning telling me that the song reminds them of me and what I’ve gone through.  Of course, I downloaded the song; the words immediately spoke to me…..my eyes instantly flooded with tears.

The song is mellow and gives off a comforting vibe.  It keeps me coming back, reminiscing, and piecing together so many of the unanswered questions that come with suicide and addiction. This is the best song off their album I and Love and You.

I put these words into several different scenarios and they flood me with different feelings about my father and my sister.  When my father left – there were months of negative publicity ……so many unanswered questions; there still are.  The words, comments, different stories – and believe me when I say there were plenty of stories to account for 10 people dying. Talk about feeling as if you’ve been swooped up by an F-5 Tornado.

“Ten Thousand Words”

Ten Thousand Words (audio link – click here)  You won’t regret listening to this 😉

Ten thousand words swarm around my head
Ten million more in books written beneath my bed
I wrote or read them all when searching in the swarms
Still can’t find out how to hold my hands

And I know you need me in the next room over
But I am stuck in here all paralyzed
For months I got myself in ruts
Too much time spent in mirrors framed in yellow walls

Ain’t it like most people? I’m no different
We love to talk on things we don’t know about
Ain’t it like most people? I’m no different
We love to talk on things we don’t know about

^^^Too many hurtful words.^^^
Too many people who love to talk about things they do not understand, they ways of people they do not understand. Adults attempting to fill my head with what they wanted me to believe. And over the past 26 years the vicious cycle has continued – random people popping up in my life that feel obligated to tell me what they think happened and there are people that feel it is their purpose in life to tell me what I must believe and things that they claim to know. Pardon my french, but who in the hell do these people think they are?

And everyone around me shakes their head in disbelief
And says I’m too caught up **walk in my shoes for 1 day before deciding this for me**
They say young is good and old is fine
And truth is cool but all that matters
Is that you have your good times
But their good times come with prices
And I can’t believe it when I hear the jokes they make
At anyone’s expense except their own
Would they laugh if they knew who paid?

^^^This cuts deep and convicts me every time.^^^

I don’t like to talk on things I don’t know about. But with having absolutely no closure over the past 26 years, never getting a straight answer from anyone involved – I do find myself talking on things I don’t know about; because it’s fair to say, it would be nice to know. And I don’t want to laugh when there is someone to pay. Too many hurtful words. Too many people who love to talk about things they do not understand, the ways of people they do not understand……this has been the story of my life since age 16; and most recently this  past year.  My sister paid, I pay, our children are paying. 

Ain’t it like most people? I’m no different
We love to talk on things we don’t know about
Ain’t it like most people? I’m no different
We love to talk on things we don’t know about

And after we are through ten years
Of making it to be the most of glorious debuts
I’ll come back home without my things
‘Cause the clothes I wore out there I will not wear ’round you
And they’ll be quick to point out our shortcomings
And how the experts all have had their doubts

Ain’t it like most people? I’m no different
We love to talk on things we don’t know about

What I wouldn’t do to give him a great big hug right now……

Many thanks to my sweet friend for the Introduction to the Amazing Avett Brothers.