Because of You – An Ode to My Father

Having experienced my share of trauma in life; moments which have caused hurt, pain, sadness and confusion – I have found it easier to express my emotions and feelings that are hard to verbalize with music during these difficult times.  

To be quite honest; I think Music has helped me cope with challenging life circumstances. Because sometimes life is really hard. Really really hard. On the flip side; I hear a fun song & I can reflect on a very fun memory and smile.

February is a month that I would love to Fast Forward through each year. I always have a lot of thoughts running through my head; feelings and emotions flooding my mind & heart…….something I thought would get easier with time; but regardless of what I’ve attempted – each February, it never fails……..the anniversary of my father leaving his life here with us.

As anyone that has been following me has known, I’ve had quite a bit of a struggle the past 9 months with grief & anxiety in dealing with losing my sister this past May; so recently it’s been tough to write.  But Music speaks to me and for me and there have been many songs that explain how I feel when reflecting each day, especially this month about my dad, Al. So; I think I will take the easier way out the remainder of the month & let specific songs that I’ve listened to over the past 26 years explain the feelings that I feel each day.

Quite frankly, tonight – I’m feeling a bit angry & upset with him. February 27 at 2:47 am – 26 years ago he made a pretty selfish decision……..I wonder how he’d feel if I chose the selfish way out over him?

**Because of You – Kelly Clarkston**
Please take the time to listen to these strong words & pretend that this is coming from me to my father in regards to his “apparent suicide”. If I could have a conversation with my father right now; it would be pretty similar…..